Should we get couples counseling?
Couples counseling is an amazing way to connect with your partner, learn new ways of communicating, and strengthen your relationship.
When one partner suggests couples counseling, there is often an assumption that the relationship is broken beyond repair or headed for demise. This does not always have to be the case.
There is no one right time you go to couples counseling, but here are the times our counselors recommend:
Before you get married
Before you have children
After an incidence of infidelity
When dealing with addiction (porn, alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.)
Differences in handling parenting or financial decisions
When conflict feels like it is becoming routine
When making a change in gender or sexual identity
If you are experiencing emotional isolation or loneliness
When dealing with sexual intimacy issues
When facing any issue you cannot resolve on your own
Often the hardest part of couples counseling is getting your partner on board. The best way to do this is to connect with your spouse about your desires for the relationship. Letting them know how much you care and how much you want things to improve. This is a good time to try using “I” statements such as “I feel… I think… I would like…” etc. By taking responsibility for your part in the issues and your part in the solution, your spouse may feel less threatened and be more willing to explore the possibility of getting help. If your partner says no, make it clear to them that you respect their choice and want to understand why. Do your best to address their concerns openly and honestly without pressuring them. If you think you’ve understood them well you can follow up and ask, “After getting your concerns cleared up, would you be willing to reconsider attending couples counseling with me?”Another tip we suggest is asking your partner to agree to a one-session trial. There is no commitment necessary to continue. You can simply meet with the counselor and see if you feel inspired to keep going.
When you start couples counseling, you can expect your therapist to ask you questions about the nature of your issues, when they began, and what you would like to accomplish through therapy. It might be good to discuss this with your partner ahead of time. You can also expect your therapist to explore your interest and level of commitment. Couples counseling often requires out-of-session work, such as reading a book, practicing communication skills, and even going out on dates with one another to rekindle the romance that brought you together in the first place. Your well-trained couples therapist will seek to deeply understand you and your partner and find the best ways to support you by implementing evidence-based strategies and tools to alter the way you communicate and shift unhealthy dynamics in your relationship. Your counselor will work to make sure you both feel comfortable and confident when trying new techniques.
The reality is, couples counseling can be hard work. Sometimes accessing difficult feelings and shining a light on the underlying issues in your relationship can be emotionally taxing. By taking this risk and getting help, you are ensuring a new perspective will be brought into your relationship. You will get unbiased advice from a third-party and expert advice based on research in the field of marriage.
I am trained in Gottman therapy, a research-based therapy that aims to help couples build stronger relationships through increasing positive aspects of the relationship, providing proven methods of communication, and removing barriers that lead to stagnancy and misunderstanding. The Gottman method can assist in a wide array of couples issues like frequent arguing, emotional distance, or infidelity, which at their core can be resolved in a similar way. By building the relationship back up to a strong place, you and your partner are better able to weather the storms that exist in a relationship. Through rigorous studies and empirical research, the Gottman method is proven to deepen your emotional connection, improve your ability to manage conflict, and increase your shared goals.
To get started, fill out the interest form to schedule your first session. Remember, there is no pressure if it is not the best fit. Sometimes the first step is the hardest. I am here for you when you are ready.
